what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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