I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
