All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
