my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
