genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Two words: nipple clamps
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