I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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