I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
