I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
