I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
