so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
