forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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