Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
