so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
