saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
