I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
