Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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