Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
