she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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