weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
