Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
