I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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