My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is it because I queefed?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
