Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
