i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
