Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
