I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
