So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
