Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
pray to the hookup gods
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
