I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
