yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
