I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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