Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
