dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
