walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
