You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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