I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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