Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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