The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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