I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
