I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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