I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
