if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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