oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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