Just fell off a train. Bad.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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