why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
