She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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