I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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