How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
