She is in my trunk
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
