I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
