i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
