Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
