these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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