I got chris browned last night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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