u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
