he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
