While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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